Ashton, Idaho (pic heavy)

We just got back from an amazing 5 day weekend in Ashton, ID visiting Tav's Grandma and Aunts. It was such a beautiful and fun weekend. We drove up on Thursday and arrived just in time for dinner. His aunts treated us to Big Jud's Burgers! These burgers were ridiculously huge! I could barely eat 1/4 of it.

(picture found on google, I forgot to take a pic)

Saturday we went in to Rexburg to check out the Airshow, but first we had to make a stop at Madison Memorial Hospital. Poor Peyton started coughing really bad once we got to Idaho, and Saturday she was practically barking. The emergency room had the absolute coolest rooms for kids. Then we found out poor Peyton had Croup.

Following that fun little adventure we met up with the rest of the family at the airshow. This was all of our first time at an airshow and it was one of the coolest things we had ever seen. They also had a really cool military and aviation museum to check out. Peyton only freaked out at the sounds of the bi-planes but otherwise she loved them too.

On Sunday (father's day) while Harlie was napping we took Peyton who was already sounding much better to the little local park nearby. It was so cool to see some of the old school metal playground equipment still in use. Peyton loved the huge slide and little merry go round. It was such a pleasant change to what we have here in Provo. I'm not going to lie I kind of enjoyed how much more peaceful and quiet it was up there and not so busy. I didn't have to worry so much about Peyton playing in the yard or at the park.

After lunch and once Harlie woke up, Tavis, Myself and the girls, along with Tav's dad and two Aunts went to Mesa Falls. I had never seen anything like this. It was a huge waterfall and just so green everywhere I loved it. It was very different from the waterfall I grew up with (Bridal Veil). By the end of our hike another storm was rolling in so we finished up just in time and headed back to Grandma's.

Before we got back to Grandma's, Tav's Aunt Jan who works with the Forest service up there pulled over on the drive down to show us one of the craziest and grosses things ever. I guess they are dealing with a caterpillar infestation that is eating all their aspen tree leaves. (the first pics are of the egg sacks, and the others are of some along the barriers and view point sign)

Once we got back home, we were surprised to see more of the Albertson grand kids at Grandma's, so we chatted with them a bit before the took off back to Utah (they were passing through). After dinner Tavis and his brothers Tylan and Tanner did the Ghost Pepper challenge (the video won't upload cause it's too big), then we played some board games and such before calling it a night.

On our way out of town the next day we stopped at the other local diner "Frostop". They had some amazing food and atmosphere, just a small town diner feel.

We were glad to be heading back home, it was a great weekend but we were ready to be in our own beds again. We also had to get back and get Tavis scheduled for another surgery but that is for another post. All in all even with the poor weather and Peyton getting sick we had a ton of fun. Hope to do it again sometime. 

Sickness, hospitals, and some good news

Oh my gosh so May has kinda not been our month in the Chestnut-Albertson house.

Beginning on May 1st with Tavis needing to go to the urgent care once I got home from work because he was having some pain in his lower abdomen. We were told he probably had a kidney stone and to give it some time. So after a pain shot. We went home. He felt a little better the next two days, then on May 4th, it got REALLY bad. And we ended up in the ER for about 8 hours. We finally found out it wasn't just one kidney stone trying to work it's way out but 3 stones all of them about 5mm in the left ureter. So after some more pain medication we went home.

The next day we had 5th annual Cinco de Mayo Party with a few friends, which I am thankful for cause it relieved some of the stress I was beginning to feel.

May 6th we had our 6 month follow up at Primary Children's Hospital for Harlie's heart. This was exactly what we needed. We found out that we are extremely blessed and Harlie's heart healed all on it's own. :)

On our way home from Primary's

The next day we had Tavis' follow up appointment with a Urologist to figure out what we were going to do. The chances of him being able to pass them on his own were very slim so we got him scheduled for surgery the next day.
So on May 8th, Tavis had his very first surgery ever. The first stone was lodged and could not move at all, so they used a laser to break it up. Then moved the other two back to the kidney where they used Lithotripsy (sound waves to break them up). It was an overall quick procedure and the first few hours and next day after were the worst of the healing pain.

Waiting to go back

On the 10th I got my first break and went to a Birth Parent Celebration in honor of Birth Mothers day. I went with one of my dearest friends Ashley Mitchell, and it was such a wonderful little event. After 7 years this was the first time I actually celebrated Birth Mothers day. I remember my first one, even though I didn't know about it that year. My nephew Parker took me to my senior prom. So it was interesting to look at how my life and my adoption journey has changed since then.

Birth Mother's day 2007 (5 months old)

Birth Mother's day 2014 (7 years old)

The next day was Mother's day and has Tavis was still recovering from surgery we had a generally relaxing day at home. I had already gotten my gifts (Zumba for the xbox and a new phone that I was in desperate need of cause mine was on it's last breath) a few days earlier from Tavis and the girls. Then we went to Tav's moms with the rest of his family for cake and celebration.

Harlie with her cousin Maggie (4 weeks apart)

The following week was mostly healing for Tavis and taking care of a teething baby. Then on Wednesday, Tavis' needed emergency tooth extraction, which mostly sucked cause he was still recovering from surgery the week before, and we don't have dental. Then he started getting pain in his right flank and lower abdomen again. We had been told that he had (besides the other 3) another 5mm stone in his right kidney and it seemed it was now trying to work it's way out too. So instead of getting better he got worse. Then on Sunday I started getting what I thought was a sinus infection (which has now turned into bronchitis) and then finally my poor grumpy baby got her first teeth. Yep both bottom front teeth popped out with in 24 hours of each other.

Which basically brings us around to today and this week where we have been waiting to get some new images of Tav's kidney stone, as well as me getting everyone sick so basically everyone is coughing. Tavis and I are both having pains (unrelated).

It has been a long and exhausting month for us, lets hope this is not a sign of the coming summer.

Easter

We had a great Easter. Saturday night we dyed eggs. Sunday we woke up and Peyton found eggs and really enjoyed her Easter gifts. After that we went to The Rock Church for a wonderful Easter service. We ended the day at our friends Matt and Caitlin's. The girls had so much fun. :)

3 milestones in 3 days!!

Thursday: Crawling

Friday: Sitting unsupported

Saturday: Pulling up onto furniture

UAC spring conference

On March 26, I was blessed to go to the Utah Adoption Council spring conference. Words cannot rightly state the emotions or experience I had, but I will try.

When I arrived I felt out of place and unsure what I was doing there, it was a little terrifying. I walked up to the table and just stood there trying to figure out where I was supposed to be. One of the reps noticed I was lost and directed me to get my name tag and folder for the event then directed me to another table to sign in for hours for foster, adoptive, and professionals. When I told her I was a birth parent, she seemed to have gotten excited and thanked me for coming. It made me feel better about being there. I was further impressed and surprised when she directed me over to breakfast. I knew lunch was served but didn’t expect breakfast too.

After breakfast and a welcoming ceremony in the ballroom, I went to my first session - Opening a closed adoption by Tamra Hyde. I first met Tamra on the BTG cruise in January, although she was not there with our group it was wonderful to connect with her then. I was impressed with her story of reuniting with her son after a closed adoption of many years.  This topic was one I definitely needed to hear at this stage in my adoption journey.

What I learned is there is no “how to...” for open adoptions or reuniting. We as humans constantly want to compare ours to theirs. We need to stop comparing, don’t let regrets win. We have so much hope and fear. We need to overcome the fear. “Isn’t it better for both parties to be completely open?” Some questions you may ask yourself when the time comes to open are: What is my role? What is the life I want for them? Don’t hope/want to be a parent, you aren’t their parent. Just be there as a resource to them. And it’s ok to want to be their friend, but give it time to develop; you are a stranger to them. And remember, “What I gave him was right.” Look for the beauty in the disappointments, the blessings and the hardships.

In the second session, I got a peek into what it is like for the adopted child through an adoptee panel. A lot of adoptees have a fear of adoptive parents being hurt in a search for the birthparents. Some also have anger for “how could anyone give up their child?” There is also either an Idealized or Demonized version of the parent that placed the child. One thing that was a question on a lot of birth parents minds was; how did the adoptee feel when finding out about subsequent children? I know personally when I was getting ready to have children with my spouse 3 years after placing I was terrified that my child may feel like I was replacing him. The panels reply was, “pin pointing why they were placed helps in understanding why they were placed and others kept.” One of the adoptees on the panel was also a social worker and she suggested the book The Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child by Nancy Verrier. It discusses how there is a vital bound, Physical and Psychological between a birthmother and child. How even children placed at birth will retain memories of the separation from the mother, and how these memories will have an effect on the child physically and emotionally. What I took from this session is that more adoption awareness and education needs to be spread for all parties of the triad.

After an amazing lunch and awards ceremony for adoption advocates in the community, I went to my final session of the day. I was sad I would not be able to attend the next day’s group of sessions, because so much healing and buried emotions and memories were brought up.

The final session was presented by Gina Crotts, who is the founder of Birth Mother Baskets. I was incredibly impressed with Gina’s story and surprised by how much of it mirrored my own. Gina is also biologically related to my birth son’s adoptive parents. So it was cool to connect with her.

Gina Presented on “Defending your decision, and why you don’t have to.” I learned a lot about whom I was then and who I am now in my placement journey. She made me think and remember the little things I had nearly forgotten. She shared this amazing quote that has stuck with me and I remind myself daily. “Courage, dear heart.” –CS Lewis. Courage, Courage I had in making my decision, and courage that what I did was right. Courage to not have regrets.  

There are so many birth parent stigmas and negativity out there, and we need not have to defend our decision to any of them, only to ourselves. She gave us some tips on dealing with the negativity and for owning our Decision.

Dealing with Negativity
Tip #1: Don’t engage/Stoop to their level
Tip #2: Resist judgment (Not only those judging you, but judging others as well.)
Tip #3: Compassion
Tip #4: Educate (positive or just say no)
“Dwelling on the negative contributes to it’s power.”

Owning your Decision
Tip#1: Take Responsibility for your situation and your decision
Tip#2: Set Boundaries ( Know when enough is enough, and don’t take on more than you can handle.)
Tip#3: Face the emotions (it’s going to be a roller coaster, and burying them prohibits healing. Accept them, Feel them and grow from them.)
Tip#4: Bumps in the road (no one’s story is perfect and there will be bumps learn how to handle them.)
“There’s no need to be perfect to inspire others. Let people get inspired by how you deal with your imperfections.”

You can read more of her presentation on her blog

At the end of the day, I was an emotional wreck to say the least. Every time I think I am at a place of peace I realize I still have some healing and growing to do. It was an amazing experience one I hope to do again in the future.          

Harlie Arianna is 6 months old!!!

Our Harlie turned 6 months old and she is just getting so big. She is 16lbs 10oz and 26.25" long. Still my little baldy and she has bright blue eyes just like daddy. :)