I'm scared to want

So has some of you may or may not know me and tav are trying for a baby. I know right now not the smartest decision but we really want to start our family young. Lately though i have begun to get extremely emotional over the idea of having a baby. I just can't get my mind off my son. I have always felt this void like a small hole in my heart and i know its for my son, for all the moments in his life I am missing out on. I'm afraid that wanting another baby is just my way to try and fill that void I have been feeling for the last 3 and 1/2 years. I love my son so much and i don't regret the decision i made by placing him with his family. My son is so loved. I am also scared of all the miscarriages I've had, that the doctors warned me was very possible with me being high risk. I'm scared that i may have given up the only child i will ever have. Everyday is a roller coaster. I am so thankful for husbands love and support in putting up with my stubbornness cause if he had his way, he would get fixed so i couldn't get pregnant at all. But to me the most beautiful i have ever felt in my entire life was when i was pregnant and i want to experience that again.

I just needed a vent and i will prolly do this again keeping everyone updated on our TTC journey.


Moving Day Adventures

Waking up yesterday to the sound of rain hitting our house was just the beggining. Then being the procrastinators Tavis and I are we still had packing to finish before the big move. That is about when things started falling apart. So the plan was to start moving by noon cause we only had a truck from about noon to 3. So me and Tavis went to the apartments to finish the contract and get are keys at about 11 that morning. When we got there we find out that they had failed to mention move in times weren't until 3. I mean really what kind of apartments have scheduled move in times. This created a big problem seeing how we only had a truck from noon to 3 and i had to babysit my nieces 3 to 7. So we went back to our old place twiddling our thumbs just trying to figure out what the crap we were going to do now. While still trying to figure out how we were going to move we went back to the apartments at 3 to get our keys so I could at least have one by the time I got done babysitting. Then we find out, they still aren't done cleaning our apartment that it wouldn't be ready for at least another hour. Which was really no big deal cause we still have no way to move our stuff but just the fact that they had known we were moving into that apartment for a week and they weren't done cleaning it until 4 'o clock when they were supposed to have it done by 3, just kinda topped my day. Finally at about 6:30 right as i'm finishing up babysitting we were able to find a truck to move. So we ended up moving all of our stuff at night in the rain. and then unpacking and setting up our bedroom til close to 11 o clock that night. oh my gosh moving sucks.

I'm just glad me and my hubby finally have our own place after 6 months of searching.

so yeah thats my moving drama.

Lovss Whitney