Easter

We had a great Easter. Saturday night we dyed eggs. Sunday we woke up and Peyton found eggs and really enjoyed her Easter gifts. After that we went to The Rock Church for a wonderful Easter service. We ended the day at our friends Matt and Caitlin's. The girls had so much fun. :)

3 milestones in 3 days!!

Thursday: Crawling

Friday: Sitting unsupported

Saturday: Pulling up onto furniture

UAC spring conference

On March 26, I was blessed to go to the Utah Adoption Council spring conference. Words cannot rightly state the emotions or experience I had, but I will try.

When I arrived I felt out of place and unsure what I was doing there, it was a little terrifying. I walked up to the table and just stood there trying to figure out where I was supposed to be. One of the reps noticed I was lost and directed me to get my name tag and folder for the event then directed me to another table to sign in for hours for foster, adoptive, and professionals. When I told her I was a birth parent, she seemed to have gotten excited and thanked me for coming. It made me feel better about being there. I was further impressed and surprised when she directed me over to breakfast. I knew lunch was served but didn’t expect breakfast too.

After breakfast and a welcoming ceremony in the ballroom, I went to my first session - Opening a closed adoption by Tamra Hyde. I first met Tamra on the BTG cruise in January, although she was not there with our group it was wonderful to connect with her then. I was impressed with her story of reuniting with her son after a closed adoption of many years.  This topic was one I definitely needed to hear at this stage in my adoption journey.

What I learned is there is no “how to...” for open adoptions or reuniting. We as humans constantly want to compare ours to theirs. We need to stop comparing, don’t let regrets win. We have so much hope and fear. We need to overcome the fear. “Isn’t it better for both parties to be completely open?” Some questions you may ask yourself when the time comes to open are: What is my role? What is the life I want for them? Don’t hope/want to be a parent, you aren’t their parent. Just be there as a resource to them. And it’s ok to want to be their friend, but give it time to develop; you are a stranger to them. And remember, “What I gave him was right.” Look for the beauty in the disappointments, the blessings and the hardships.

In the second session, I got a peek into what it is like for the adopted child through an adoptee panel. A lot of adoptees have a fear of adoptive parents being hurt in a search for the birthparents. Some also have anger for “how could anyone give up their child?” There is also either an Idealized or Demonized version of the parent that placed the child. One thing that was a question on a lot of birth parents minds was; how did the adoptee feel when finding out about subsequent children? I know personally when I was getting ready to have children with my spouse 3 years after placing I was terrified that my child may feel like I was replacing him. The panels reply was, “pin pointing why they were placed helps in understanding why they were placed and others kept.” One of the adoptees on the panel was also a social worker and she suggested the book The Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child by Nancy Verrier. It discusses how there is a vital bound, Physical and Psychological between a birthmother and child. How even children placed at birth will retain memories of the separation from the mother, and how these memories will have an effect on the child physically and emotionally. What I took from this session is that more adoption awareness and education needs to be spread for all parties of the triad.

After an amazing lunch and awards ceremony for adoption advocates in the community, I went to my final session of the day. I was sad I would not be able to attend the next day’s group of sessions, because so much healing and buried emotions and memories were brought up.

The final session was presented by Gina Crotts, who is the founder of Birth Mother Baskets. I was incredibly impressed with Gina’s story and surprised by how much of it mirrored my own. Gina is also biologically related to my birth son’s adoptive parents. So it was cool to connect with her.

Gina Presented on “Defending your decision, and why you don’t have to.” I learned a lot about whom I was then and who I am now in my placement journey. She made me think and remember the little things I had nearly forgotten. She shared this amazing quote that has stuck with me and I remind myself daily. “Courage, dear heart.” –CS Lewis. Courage, Courage I had in making my decision, and courage that what I did was right. Courage to not have regrets.  

There are so many birth parent stigmas and negativity out there, and we need not have to defend our decision to any of them, only to ourselves. She gave us some tips on dealing with the negativity and for owning our Decision.

Dealing with Negativity
Tip #1: Don’t engage/Stoop to their level
Tip #2: Resist judgment (Not only those judging you, but judging others as well.)
Tip #3: Compassion
Tip #4: Educate (positive or just say no)
“Dwelling on the negative contributes to it’s power.”

Owning your Decision
Tip#1: Take Responsibility for your situation and your decision
Tip#2: Set Boundaries ( Know when enough is enough, and don’t take on more than you can handle.)
Tip#3: Face the emotions (it’s going to be a roller coaster, and burying them prohibits healing. Accept them, Feel them and grow from them.)
Tip#4: Bumps in the road (no one’s story is perfect and there will be bumps learn how to handle them.)
“There’s no need to be perfect to inspire others. Let people get inspired by how you deal with your imperfections.”

You can read more of her presentation on her blog

At the end of the day, I was an emotional wreck to say the least. Every time I think I am at a place of peace I realize I still have some healing and growing to do. It was an amazing experience one I hope to do again in the future.          

Harlie Arianna is 6 months old!!!

Our Harlie turned 6 months old and she is just getting so big. She is 16lbs 10oz and 26.25" long. Still my little baldy and she has bright blue eyes just like daddy. :)

Happy Birthday Daddy!

Happy Birthday Tavis!!!

6 years ago on Tav's 21st birthday we officially hung out for the first time. I was called up by one of our mutual friends to come hang out for his birthday. So she picked me up and we went to get him. We met up with some other mutual friends at FatCats where we played pool for a bit. Then afterward we went to McD's. I kept wanting to go get him a cake but it never happened. After eating has we were getting to go our seperate ways, I asked him for his phone number. He didn't have a phone so I pulled out a sharpie and was going to write it on his hand when he handed me his canvas wallet so I wrote it on that. He still has that wallet. :)

If you look really closely in the bottom left corner you can kinda see where I wrote it.

After having Peyton has is tradition I take a picture of Tavis and her, This year we added Harlie. :)

Tavis and Peyton 2011

Tavis and Peyton 2012

I can't find the pic from 2013 :(

Tavis, Peyton and Harlie 2014

Looking forward to many more birthdays with you!

Adoption!!!!

I love adoption! Because of adoption a little boy has a beautiful and wonderful life!
In November 2012 I took a huge leap of faith and shared a short bit of my adoption story on a blog called SmittenBy. Daxton was almost 6 years old and although I had shared my story with those close to me, I rarely got into the details and shared my story. I can't believe how therapeutic and relieving it was to open myself up like that. Now I love sharing my story, I love knowing that maybe someone else can learn or heal from my story.
When I shared my story I was surprised by all the love and support that was commented. One person stuck out to me and I searched for her and befriended her on Facebook. That is when I found out she was the founder of a beautiful non profit organization called Blessings in a Basket, and that she had a private support group just for birth-moms in life after placement. I wasn't alone any longer. After almost 6 years of battling my emotions with those who just didn't understand, I finally had a place where others would know and understand. I grew and healed so much in the following year.
In November 2013, a year later, Ashley was looking for a personal assistant someone to help out with some of the business side of things. I felt in my heart that I should offer my help to her. So I started helping her and this group and if I could I would do it all the time. I love the opportunity to help this organization, Bring awareness and educate about adoption, support and love any one in the triad going through this situation.
After the amazing cruise retreat I was blessed with the opportunity to become the board secretary for BIB. This is such a blessing, and I just thank Ashley and all the others for believing in me. I can't wait to help this group grow and share and love! I am so excited!

Blessingsinabasket.org

Sarah (board member), Myself, Ashley (Board President)

BTG Cruise 2014

Two weeks ago I was blessed to go on an adoption retreat. The retreat was hosted by BIB. A Birth Mom Community, and was available to birth moms and (hopeful) adoptive moms. I waited an entire year to go on this trip, and it was worth the wait.

My trip began on Friday night, I left Utah with Haley and Jenna, our trip began with a quick stop in Springville to start our trip of right with a BTG cheer with our amazing founder Ashley. We got to Las Vegas at 3 am after a few exciting stops along the way. The three of us were hosted by another beautiful BTG Alysia and her family.

Saturday was spent in Vegas, doing some last minute shopping and sleeping before our final leg of the trip. We were treated with homemade Puerto Rican Empanadas with rice and beans. Then it was time to go see "the freaks on Freemont". We saw quite the array of characters including this guy dressed as cupid. I kid you not when he suddenly did the splits in front of us while hugging us I was so shocked. It was really gross.

After a fun night out in Vegas, we left early to get to Cali! For the most part the trip was uneventful minus one or two panic attacks. First stop was in Orange to pick up another BTG. Our car was packed to the max after that. We bottomed our car out a few times.

Once we got to the hotel Alysia and I stayed behind while the others went to LB airport to get Ashley. Once they got back we took a walk to CVS where we were followed for several blocks by a homeless black man. I now know to never walk anywhere in Long Beach. Once we got back the party began with the arrival of the last 5 girls and our welcome meeting/pajama party.

At breakfast the next morning I got to meet some of the other people (not part of our group) who were also cruising out. Including an adorable little boy Cooper and his two dads, Allen and Doug! He had the most adorable smile and super contagious laugh. Then it was time to load up and head to port.

It was really amazing that the ship we were sailing out on was called Inspiration. I was ready to unplug and open my heart to this Inspiring and Healing retreat. I turned off my phone and climbed aboard the ship! 

The first day was mostly filled with exploring the ship, enjoying lunch, and hot tubbing. We ended it with our first group formal meal I tried Lobster and Alligator for the first time (was not a fan). Followed by hanging out at the Piano Bar with our new friend Barry. When the ship set sail I was surprised to find I got a little sea sick. So glad I brought Zofran with me.

On day two it was our full day at sea. I woke up early and watched the sunrise with a cup of coffee and was serenaded by one of the crew members who didn't know I was listening on the deck above. It was a nice way to start my day. Then after a few laps of the boat to explore all it had to offer, It was time to meet up for our first workshop. What we discussed something that I have been reflecting on ever since. Afterward all the birth moms went to get lunch and do some more hot tubbing. However our hot tubbing was placed on hold. Someone on board had become injured and we had to turn the ship around to rush to coordinates to meet the coast guard for an immediate medivac. Still praying whoever that was is ok.

Finally we were able to do some hot tubing then our second night of formal dinner. This night I played it a little safer. After dinner of course we went to see Barry at the piano bar then enjoyed some time at the night club. Emily and I also met up and hung out with a few of our new cruise friends at the pool bar. 

On wednesday we woke up in beautiful Catalina! After meeting up for breakfast we all got ready and headed ashore for our workshop of the day. It was beautiful seeing these amazing women healing. Afterwards we all went off to do our own thing. For the most part it was just me and Emily then we met up with Alysia and Joy. The weather was amazing so after laying on the beach we headed back to the ship to do some swimming and dinner. I ended the night being taught how to play Black Jack by my two new friends Lionel and Alicia. 

Thursday we were in Ensenada, I began the day with sunrise coffee with Ash, then breakfast with Sarah. I wanted to soak it all in that day and ended up spending most of it alone. After breakfast it was our final workshop, I could not believe how much each workshop touched me in a different way. I left a little earlier than everyone else and when I came back they were gone so I took that time to go enjoy the serenity deck alone (everyone else had gone ashore). Has I sat in the hot tub looking out at the Ensenada bay, I had some reflective time and thanked God for the amazing week I had been blessed with. It was the best moment for me. Afterwards I went to grab lunch, when I found the rest of my group who had just finished lunch and was getting ready to go to Mexico. I decided to eat and nap instead. :)

Then it was time for our final formal dinner as a group, our final night. At dinner I was blessed to sit and witness our founder, call each girl to sit next to her while she spoke to them, giving each a personal message. When she looked at me and said your next, I was not prepared for what I was about to feel. Of course I cried. All I could constantly think while I was on this trip was how blessed I was to be able to be there and be a part of all this amazing healing experience.

I ended the night spending some time with all of my new friends. The wonderful women I had gathered with to heal, and the amazing people I had met all on board. It was tough to say good bye.

I will never forget the amazing time I had, The beautiful people I met, The healing that took place. I can not say enough how truly blessed I feel that I got to be a part of all of that. My one regret is not enough pictures. :)