DAY THREE:: The love of my life

Today I'm thankful for my husband, my best friend, the key to my heart, Tavis!

Now I'm thankful for him everyday, but today especially. The point of these posts is to look at each day and find something in that day that I am thankful for. After having a hard discussion with my husband about feeling guilty for my upcoming birth mom retreat he looked at me, and lovingly said, "Don't feel guilty, you deserve to go." Such a little statement, but it made me feel better. He always knows how to make me feel better. Tavis has always been such a great support to me. When I went back to high school to get my diploma, immediately followed by going to college (Which I regret sometimes), to working, and becoming an active member in the adoption community. Tavis was not a part of my life when I went through my pregnancy and placement with Daxton, nor has he been given the chance to meet Daxton yet. However he understands how much Daxton means to me, and is always there for me when I have those really rough days. We have had many ups and downs over the last 5 1/2 years, but we have always remained strong and our love has never faltered.Tavis is an amazing husband and Father. He would do anything for our girls. I feel so extremely blessed to have met him. I love you Tavis. I can't wait to grow old with you.

DAY TWO:: My mom

Today I am thankful for my mom. We have always had some really big ups and downs and sometimes I really just don't understand why she does some of the things she does, or says things she does, but that doesn't change the fact that if she were to leave tomorrow, my world would shatter. My mom has always been there for me and supported me in all of my endeavours in life. Even though she did not want me to place my son for adoption she supported me all the same. She taught me how to stand up for what I believed in. She taught me to hold my ground and never give up. I love my mom for that. Thank you for teaching me to be the strong woman I am today.Got to spend sometime with her today and it made me realize how thankful I am for all she has done for me. Thanks momma.

30 days of Thankful! DAY ONE:: Cindy Albertson (Tav's mom)

Today I am thankful for my mother in law Cindy.
Cindy is always there to help us out if we need, and is such an amazing grandma to Peyton and Harlie. She is always working so hard, but always takes time for her kids and grandkids. She is also an extremely talented seamstress and has made Peyton and other girls some of the cutest costumes/tutus.

Birthday, seizure, wisdom teeth.....

25 years ago on October 18 at 8:30 am I was born. My birth had been planned so my dad and my moms doctor wouldn't miss the deer hunt.

I had originally wanted to do a huge bash for my birthday but other events changed that. So instead my birthday started off with going back to work after my maternity leave. It was a pretty normal day at the clinic, I got gifted with a pretty cool laceration. :) After work Tavis, the girls and I went up to my sister Jenn's for a little party with her, her hubby, and our friends Brandon and Ceason. All in all it was a pleasant birthday spent with the people I love most. 

The next morning, we were awoken by Peyton throwing up, but thank goodness it was only something she ate cause it didn't last long. Then we had a delicious pancake breakfast followed by a nap for everyone. After napping we got ready to head back home. First we had to stop at Walmart on our way out. Now I'm not entirely sure what happened next I remember waiting for Steve for about 30 minutes so we checked out the christmas stuff and baby stuff, when we finally met up with him we started getting groceries. After a little bit of time I told Jenn she needed more milk I had used the last of the gallon that morning, so I walked down to get milk. This is when it started. While I was walking down there it started to become hard for me to focus my vision, then I started feeling light headed, grabbed the milk and went back to everyone who were now in the frozen food section. I vaguely remember telling them I was feeling lightheaded, the next thing I know I'm waking up in an ambulance. Apparently I had had a seizure, one that lasted about 2-3 minutes. I was taken to American Fork Hospital, they ran a EKG, a CT, Heart monitor, blood work, everything came back normal. So now I have to see a neurologist and hopefully get answers. 

A few days later, I beat my body up some more and got all four wisdom teeth removed and my two furthest back bottom molars. Such a stupid and painful decision.

So all in all my 25th year of life has been adventurous. :)

Harlie's Heart

We had decided to wait to share this until we knew more, and now we do.

Harlie was born at 2:06am on 9/21/13. When the nurse and pediatrician checked her at noon they heard a loud and distinctive murmur. All babies are born with a hole in their heart because blood doesn't need to go to the lungs to get oxygen while in the womb and so the hole is to bypass the. This hole usually closes within 24 hours after birth. So at first they didn't make any mind of it. The next day at the noon check, the pediatrician was still hearing this murmur, very loud, very distinctive. We had been planning on going home that day, but he asked us to stay one more night, so he could check the murmur again the next morning. So we stayed another night, not really sure what was going on, and she was checked again the next morning. When he still found the murmur present he ordered an Echocardiogram. I got so scared thinking I was about to be discharged without my baby. We got the echo done and she did fantastic (taking an hour), then we waited for the results. The cardiologist who was interperting the echo was taking a long time to read it. Another night was creeping up on us and I had been discharged the pediatrician decided there was no reason based on how she was doing otherwise to keep her another night just because someone else was taking their time to get us results. So we were discharged home and made an appt to see the pediatrician the next day for the results.

The next day we found out that Harlie had a moderate to large muscular ventricular septal defect (VSD). Meaning the hole in her heart was larger than normal and was not closing like it was supposed to. But because it was muscular there was a good chance of it still closing on it's own without surgical intervention. Follow up was suggested at Primary Children's Hospital with a pediatric cardiologist. Which is what happened today and why we wanted to wait.

We wanted to know more about what was going on before sharing it. Today we were blessed with good news. The hole sounds like it is closing on it's own. We will have to continue follow up's at PCH in 6 months to see if it is continuing to close on it's own sufficiently. I feel so blessed for this good news and so lucky. Thank you to everyone who prayed for us.


This is what her condition is:

The blood in the RV is low pressure and is pumped to the lungs to be oxgenated -> it is returned to the LA then to the LV which is high pressure because it has to pump the oxgenated blood throughout the body. The hole is in the wall separating the RV and LV. Because one is high pressure and one is low pressure, Oxgenated blood is being pushed into the RV and not all of it is going through out the body has it should. This will normally cause poor circulation and "wet" lungs. The hole in Harlie's heart is closing enough that it is not effecting her at all.

Harlie Arianna Albertson!!

Harlie Arianna was born on September 21, 2013 at 2:06 am.

Weighing 8lbs 13oz and measuring 21 1/4 inches long.

Friday the 20th began like any other, except I was officially overdue.

I got up, made breakfast for me and the munchkin, and lounged around for a bit watching White Collar until my mom showed up. My mom came over to bring Peyton a dolly bed and picnic table for her room, she was so excited to get the presents. After we cleaned her room and set it all up, the three of us sat on the porch and had Popsicles. Then my mom said she had to go grab some groceries so I asked to tag along. My contractions at this point were still only 2-6 an hour, and I figured getting out and walking might help. 

Has we were finishing up I began to feel them more frequently and once I got home and was able to time them they were about every 5 minutes but only lasting about 30seconds. Knowing they weren't lasting that long and they weren't exactly intense enough to do anything about, Peyton and I napped. When I got up they were still the same, so I decided we would go to the Riverwoods farmers market and walk around there for a bit. We got some amazing peaches and sun gold cherry tomatoes, and Peyton saw a ballet performance at the stage and couldn't help but "dance" along. It was adorable. Finished it off by taking Peyton to Provo Beach Resort to play for a little. By this time my contractions were 4 minutes apart and were intensifying to the point I would have to pause.

Once we got home around 8:30pm my first thought was if we are going to have a baby tonight I want clean hair and shaved armpits (haha). So I hopped in the shower while Tavis finished getting everything ready. Like I knew it would the shower increased my contractions to every 3 minutes and I was starting to need to bend over in pain.

After calling someone to come get Peyton, and Tav's Dad to get the two of us, we were off to the hospital. We got to the hospital around 10:30 and was admitted by 11, cause in the 30 minutes it took to get to the hospital from our house they had gone from every 3 minutes to basically back to back.

Once I was admitted and checked I was at a 4. Now just 3 days before my doc had told me like he had with Peyton that I was still closed. So my body has a way of not progressing until it's baby time, and things progressed quickly. My original plan had been to labor has long has possible naturally with the help of my doula before getting an epidural, but the second we got to the hospital I was ready for an epidural. Once I was all hooked up and trying not to swear, I got a blessing from my Father in Law. Then I learned my Dr was unavailable for my delivery and the on call doctor would be delivering me. At first I was a little shocked but once I met the Dr and we talked, he put me totally at ease with him delivering. (Later I realized I had met him before, cause he is my friends OB and I had gone to a few appts with her.)

Has part of our plan we were having professional pictures taken (for us to have and to help our friends photography business has labor pictures are a new fad). So we had photographers, one from Captured Footprints and one from Collide Photography. It was so smart to have a backup. Our first photographer was finishing up at the Luke Bryan concert and wouldn't be able to make it right away. So Megan from Collide photography showed up first.

It was around 11:30 I was checked, was already a 6 now and I was able to get the epi, unfortunately it took 30 minutes to get it in cause my contractions were so close now, the anesthesiologist literally had seconds to try and get the next step done. But once it was in I felt relief within minutes.  My sister Jenn and Doula Britnee showed up while they were trying to get my epi in, and had to wait outside. Shortly after them my best friend Valerie showed up to wait with us. My second best decision was getting a Doula. They are not just for people going natural. She helped with massage and counter pressure during contractions. She knew what oils would help with the heartburn I began to experience and what ones would help keep me relaxed. She was a great support during labor and if I have any more babies I will for sure have one again.

Midnight hit and I knew my daughter would be born on 9/21. :) They checked me again to break my water and I was an 8. So they broke my water and I went down to a 6 again, much like I had with Peyton. Also like with Peyton, Harlie had passed her first bowel movement already and so NICU nurses were placed on standby for when she was born. It was about 12:45 when they checked me again and I was back up to an 8. Shortly after 1 they checked and I was a 9 and we were ready to push.

Now I don't know why it was this way, whether there was no time for it to kick in fully or it was set at a lower dose. My epidural only took the edge off. I could still feel my contractions and I still had complete control of my legs. I loved it, because it was the closest to natural I would ever get. So because I could feel my contractions I was in control of pushing and my contractions were so long I would get 4-5 pushes in each contraction. I don't know exactly how long I pushed for but it was longer than my other two. It was such an amazing experience to feel her come out and that relief of pressure and bizarre to feel my placenta come out. Haha. Something that surprised all of us in the room was when the doctor said no repair needed there was just some bruising. So my biggest baby yet and she is the only one I didn't tear with. I think it was all the walking I did during my pregnancy. :) The epidural wore off quickly and I was able to walk within the hour. It was a perfect delivery.

Harlie was born at 2:06 am, and like I had mentioned NICU nurses were on standby because of the meconium, so she was quickly taken over to be checked out and made sure everything was ok. Luckily this time everything was and they brought her over to me. Something really cool our hospital began doing shortly after Peyton was born was they bathe the newborn in the delivery room so the mom can watch, then they move everyone into a recovery room. It was so great to watch her bath and to keep her with me. Harlie stayed with me from the moment she was born until about 8 pm that night when I took her to the nursery for a few minutes while I showered, and then she stayed with me through most the night until they had to take her for 24 hour tests.

We were released and came home Monday night and Peyton was so excited to see me and her sister. She keeps trying to share with Harlie and has been such a big helper. I can't believe we are a family of 4 now. I love my little girls.

My Relationship With Adoption

Recently I have been approached by several people, asking how I am related to adoption.
I have never been quiet or shy about it. For example, I am pregnant right now and people will ask if it is my first. I usually reply saying, "No this is the second I will parent, but technically it is my third." Then proceed in the short version of, I have a 6 year old in an open adoption"

All of this leading to my prompting today to share My Relationship with Adoption.

I guess adoption first entered my life when I was 16. It was around Christmas time 2004, and my mom had begun to lock herself in her room, hiding in there for days. Finally someone, I think it was my older sister came to me and my little sister to explain to us why she was upset. She had received a letter from the daughter she had placed for adoption in 1978. Back in the 70's and 80's adoption or more a child out of wedlock was a hush hush subject, and the adoption was closed. Now I am not my mom and don't know her reasons for keeping it hidden from me and my siblings. I have never really been able to discuss it with her either. She never wants to talk about it. Then in December 2009, I was surprised to receive a friend request on Facebook, from my sister. She had spent some more time looking into where she came from and found me and my siblings on this social network full of millions of people. I have been able to now get to know my long lost sister over the last almost 4 years, and hope to get to meet her in person for the first time next summer. (she lives on the other side of the country.)

When I found out I was pregnant on June 17, 2006, I was 17 years old, the father and I had already broken up, I was about to begin my senior year of High school, and was living in a broken home. It took several more weeks to make the decision to place my unborn child. I mean it was ultimately an obvious choice, but placing that trust in some one else to care for this baby, accepting that you will not be there for this baby to kiss the boo boos, read to at night, watch learn and discover, that is where it makes the decision to difficult. So once I had prayed and cried and prayed and cried some more, I made the decision. Now I was placing in the 2000's when adoption was different. Open adoptions were now available and accepted and loved. After going what I had gone through with my mom and the anger and emotions of being 16 years old and never knowing I had another sister, I knew my children would know about thier older brother, and I chose an open adoption, in hopes that he would be able to know his other siblings has well. Now the adoption has slowly been closing over the last few years. I get a little upset and angry that the parents I chose, who told me they would keep it open and let me continue to know him and that I would get letters and pictures, have shut me out. However I don't regret my decision. I know he is loved, I know he has an amazing family, and he is being cared for and being given so many more opportunities than I can give him. That's what tells me I made the best decision. Even though I haven't seen him in 3 years and haven't really gotten an update in about a year. He continues to mean the world to me and prompt me in my life to do the best I can.

Adoption has touched me and my life in so many ways. My sister, My little boy, and 2 of my very dearest best friends are adoptee's. Adoption has become a large part of my life and has touched many chapters in my story.